Birds, Bees and Bonsai trees
by The Freaky Humor
Summary: JXE No...Not Jet and Ed.. JET AND EIN! YES! OUR FURRY LITTLE FRIEND HAD FOUND LOVE!::gags:: But what if an untimley accident ruins the duo's realationship and Jet falls in love with.. SOMEONE ELSE? Can Ein regain Jet's love? The Perverted Humor is back!
1. Bell Peppers and Beef

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop.. If I did the theme song wouldn't be so long and boring.. Also I wouldn't be spending my time writing this. IM VERY POOR!! DON"T SUE ME!!!  
  
Birds, Bees, and Bonsai Trees  
  
"Bell Peppers and Beef is ready!" Jet called. He heard groans of disgust but no one came.  
  
He looked down at the small dog that was looking expectantly up at him. "At least you never complain about my cooking" Jet said as he bent down and scooped the crap into the faithful dog's bowl. "Yep! that's Ein for ya! He'll eat anything you give him and never complain! Right buddy?"  
  
Ein looked up from his eating, his small eyes suddenly grew large as he yipped and over with seizures. "EIN!!" Jet yelled as he bent over the now still dog. "He's not breathing! NO!!! Who will eat my cooking now?! HOLD ON EIN!!!" Jet bent closer to the dog and began CPR. Seconds later the dog was back on its feet. Ein looked at the bell peppers and beef and emitted a lowl growl.  
  
"SPIKE! FAYE! ED! Never mind the food! It almost killed Ein! Spike walked in laughing "Bout time that mutt keeled over! I knew that shit would be the end of him! E-" "I thought you said he was dead!" I did CPR on him and he came out of it." The metal limbed man replied. "You seriously need a girlfriend.." With that Spike left. Jet looked down at the intelligent dog. "I've tried to get a girl.. But they always end up leaving me or cheating on me..." Tears filled his eyes.  
  
"I CAN'T EVEN GET A MAN ANYMORE!!!" He slumped to the floor and cried harder. Ein nuzzled his metal arm causing Jet to look up. "Oh Ein! If only you were human.... Then we could be together forever!!" The corgie licked his hand understandingly. Jet looked back up. "Or..." He said smiling seductively.  
  
"Mabey you don't need to be human at all.." Ein wiggled his ass where his tail would be if he had one. Jet laughed. C'mon let's go to my room..." He picked up the welsch and carried him off to do horrible unkown things...  
  
SO. Did you like it?! Please review!! I need to know if you want the next chapter!! *smirks* 


	2. A New Love

iu A NEW LOVE/i/u  
  
"OOOOO! EIN!! STOP! That tickles!"  
  
Chomp!  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"  
  
It was a scream that shook the whole Bebop as well as the Neptune Planet Hospital Emergency room. "Hey Jet... Don't worry." Spike assured while stifling his laughter, "Now your arm isn't your only metal part anymore." Jet glared at the skinny afro bitch. "Shut the hell up Spike! Damn! It's cold!!!  
  
As they arrived at the Bebop they were greeted by Faye. "So Jet... Did they 'Fix' you?" He growled and pushed past the girl in search of Ein. "EIN! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" The small dog trotted up to the big man with a remorseful look in his beady eyes. "Ein.... I want you to know... THAT IT'S OVER!!!" Ein whimpered and looked questioningly up at him. "WHY? I'LL TELL YOU WHY! I HAVE NO DICK! It's metal now thanks to you!! I have to run funny just to keep my legs warm!! AAGGHHHRRRR!! Thanks a lot bitch!!"  
  
iI'm not a bitch.../i The male dog thought as he watched his only love storm off to the greenhouse room.  
  
* * * "At least you understand me Bonny.." Jet said quietly as he trimmed off the branches if his favorite bonsai tree. "WOW! It looks like your healing nicely after I accidentally clipped your twig- er branch off! I guess we've both suffered losses huh? well at least your twig grew back.. The only thing mine can grow is rust.."  
  
He stared at the small tree for a moment longer then smirked evily as he picked up the plant. "C'mon Bonny let's go get you some water."  
  
And with that he carried the tree off to do horrible unkown things. 


	3. Planning Revenge

iuPLANNING REVENGE/i/u  
  
Ein trotted pat Jet's room still sulking from his previous break up when he heard a noise.  
"OOOOOOOHHHHHH BONNY!" It couldn't be... Jet had a new love already? That Whore! Ein knew that he had way more to offer than some freakin tree! He growled menacingly at the door and walked off to his bed to plan revenge.  
  
* * *  
  
Oh Bonny! You're so much better than Ein! I can't belive I used to love that dick muncher! Well Bonny as much fun as we've had I think we need to put you back in the artificial sunlight!" Jet smiled as he carried the tree back to the greenhouse room. But on the way he ran into Spike.  
  
"Hey... What's up with the tree?"  
  
"Nothing!! I'm just giving Bonny here some fresh air!"  
  
"Bonny?"  
  
"Yes! That IS the tree's name Damn it!"  
  
"Uhh.. Okay... Hey Jet... You didn't take too many pain killers did you?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Oh.. Well here.." Spike smirked as he coughed up a cigarette. "Take this... Maybe it will calm you down." Jet looked at the cancerous stick in disgust. "I'm just fine thank you! Now if you will excuse me I'm going to walk Bonny home!" Jet sauntered off finally reaching his destination. "There we are Bonny! Sweet dreams!" He kissed the little tree, turned on the artificial lights and walked away. But little did he know that a small Welsch Corgie was hiding in the shadows of the room. Waiting to make his move, The dog would win Jet's heart back even if it killed him... Or the tree.... 


	4. Jealously Conquers all

iu JEALOUSY CONQUERS ALL/i/u  
  
"BONNY!!! NNNNOOOO!!!"  
  
Jet fell to his knees cyings as he walked in to find his only true love...... DEAD. "How could this happen?! Was i too rough on you sweetie?! Maybe I Shou-" His thoughts were interrupted by the yellow liquid that surrounded the tree..  
  
Someone had pissed on Bonny...  
  
"Spike! Faye! Ed!" Jet hollered getting angrier by the minute. The trio rushed in to find an angry Jet and a dead tree. Faye spoke first,  
  
"OH MY GOSH JET!!! WHAT HAPPENED!" "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED! ONE OF YOU PISSED ON MY PRECIOUS BONNY!"  
Silence..  
  
"WELL.. WAS IT YOU FAYE?! C'MON IT WAS YOU WASN'T IT?! JUST TIRED OF SHARIN THE BATHROOM WITH A BUNCH OF GUYS SO YOU JUST LET IT ALL OUT ON BONNY!! DIDN'T YOU?! DIDN'T YOU?!"  
  
"Um no Jet.. I don't think I would piss on your tree.."  
  
"WELL ED!! WAS IT YOU?! LEMME GUESS! YOU FORGOT WHERE THE BATHROOM WAS AGAIN SO YOU FOUND THE NEXT BEST THING!"  
  
"No Jet person! Edward know where potty is!"  
  
Jet turned icily to the only human left that could preform the horrible crime.  
  
"SPIKE!!! OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST! I CAN'T BELIVE YOU! YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WITH A DICK DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN SHOW OFF BY PISSONG ON MY BEAUTIFUL BONSAI TREE!!"  
  
"No Jet! I swear it wasn't me!"  
  
"LIAR!! YOU JUST HAD TO BE SO GUNHO ENOUGH TO PISS ON MY BONNY!! WHY SPIKE?! WHY?!"  
  
"Jet I didn't piss on your shitty bonsai tree."  
  
Jet's eyes widened as he realized who the perpetratior must be. "EIN..." He stormed out of the room waddling to Ein's dog bed, he grabeed the dog and began to shake him.  
  
"YOU KILLED MY PRECIOUS BONNY!!!!"  
  
Ein gave Jet a look like iSo what if I did?/i "So what?! So what?! All I wanna know is why Ein? WHY?! Were you jealous?! Is that it?! You just couldn't handle the fact that I had found someone else before you did?!"  
  
Ein nodded and whimpered.  
  
"Oh Ein!!! I see now!! It was an accident wasn't it?! You really didn't mean to bite it off did you?!"  
  
Ein shook his head and gave Jet a warm lick on the cheek.  
  
"OH EIN!!! How could I ever leave you?!"  
  
So after the happy couple 'made up' they went back to Jet's room to once again do terrible, Horrible unkown things.... The End  
  
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